30 Apr 2011

well, im still alive.

29 Apr 2011

well, i found the application for the flower job i want for the summer. i dont know if ill get it, but i know youll guide me in that area. ill also need to find a place to live for the summer. thanks for already providing for me.

27 Apr 2011

well, easter was especially odd. but thank you for my family. i love my family, every quirky one. thank you for allowing me to get a vehicle for up in the mountains. i still feel alone, but i know youre with me today and i know that you wont leave. i still dont know what you have in mind for me, but i will trust that you have it well in hand. please look after my cousin. she deserves to have a good life. there are times i wish i could be back in the military. i really miss the comradry.

21 Apr 2011

wow, i was having such a great day. now im suddenly lonely. why is it always the simple little things that make me so emotional? why always the little things that i long for? and why cant i ever find love? god, if youre listening, i could really use some company, especially being held.

20 Apr 2011

my dearest god! hear my prayer, come to your child. i am weak.  there is nothing here to support me. i see the ruin of my country. the children dead or wandering in ashes cry out. the women have all been killed. the hearts of the people are laid bare. oh my god, the ashe falls like snow. the fire consumes without mercy. my god, the rain falls and runs into destructive floods. even the sun hides. my god, i cannot stand such violence. i dare not open my eyes to such hate. be my protection, oh god of love. i cannot bear the sight of the people in such pain. oh what hell has been set before my eyes. what fearful gaping holes the eyes of survivors have become. how black the hearts of men. the end of the pale man is near. oh god. see my tears. know the cries of my heart.

19 Apr 2011

ok jesse, id like to have a woman to share my life with, but i dont want to be hurt. if that means i have to be alone, then fine. i will be alone. i just cant promise to be happy. i really cant promise anything anymore. anyway, at least i can thank you for sending me friends. im glad that i dont have centuries to live here. itd be far too painful.

18 Apr 2011 (2)

thank you for showing me how old she was. ugh, why do they always do that? why cant they ever tell the fucking truth? why cant they not play games for once. god i wish there was just one. its so depressing.