feeling sad today. it was a good day, but im still feeling sad. its like im in a room thats empty and cold. barren of all things except an old wooden stool, a bench hanging from the wall with chains, and a tin bucket with a bare lightbulb in a socket hanging from the ceiling. its like the room is huge and i cant see the walls except for the one that my bed hangs on. i feel old and decrepit, like ive been stuck in this place for so long i have forgotten that there is an outside world. there is no light except for the one bulb. there is no door that i know of. there is no one else there. just me. they say that solitary confinement is the worst tourture. well, i seem to live it every day. its only the second greatest tourture. the greatest is being in solitary confinement when you know there is an outside world and other people. thats the worst. i can only survive because i dont know any other existence. i thought i knew another way, but i find that it receeds into my mind as though it were only a fleeting thought, a dream, an unreality. god, how sad my life is. how bleak this existence. how truly alone i feel. but i dont really know if im alone, i really dont know if this is the thing i feel. i just dont know.
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