hmph

dear god,
I HATE ALL THESE FUCKING BITCHES AND ASSHOLES THAT YOU MADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jesus fucking christ!!! why would you make someone that only wants a perfect gentleman? im sorry, maybe im not a goody two shoes anymore, maybe ive been spat on, left behind, pissed on, ignored, pushed around, walked on, and taken advantage of one too fucking many times!!!! FUCK YOU YOU STUPID CUNTS!!!!!! and then of all things they expect me to wait on them? fuck that! no fucking way am i gonna wait on some bimbo to primp so long that i just want to rape her and fucking leave because shes pissed all over me too much. nor am i going to wait for some stupid bitch that wants to be chased because she doesnt understand that men dont need that bull shit!!! what men fucking need is pussy. and if a stuipd cunt is going to ignore and mess with that, then im gone. fuck this shit. i dont want to go gay because im honestly not interested in men, because theyre just like me, assholes because theyve been pissed all over too. FUCK THIS!!!!!!!

dear god

dear god, im tired of watching everyone else have someone special. when will it be my turn?

yeah

T-T

so?

so am i to blame that i want love? am i to blame that i want to love another? can i help that everyone looks at me as though im a freak? can i change my looks at will and make myself more handsome? no. i am convinced that im not to blame for wanting to share love with another and want to be loved in return. i am not to blame for looking creepy and having mannerisms that are seen as strange. i cannot nor will i bear the burden of being just another face in the crowd. i am different god damitt!!! and i will be loved for who and what i fucking am. if a girl is too shallow to see beyond my skin then she does not deserve me. if a girl is too dumb to understand my thoughts and converse with me then she is simply too dumb for me and would end up being unhappy because she would be frustrated. if a girl does not want to try to understand me and accept my love then she has no business with me. and alone as i may be in this small world, i should have no business with any woman that does not meet my needs.

yeah

so im tired. im tired of trying to love. im tired of trying. im tired of being treated as though im just another face. god, im just plain old tired.

k, god, jesse, why? why am i here? why do i constantly have to be the odd one out? why do i constantly have to be the one thats overlooked? why am i always the one that everyone passively shuns? i dont understand why you couldnt just have let me die in iraq. why do i have to be here? i dont understand it. im not good at anything. i cant sing, or play music, im not a great looking person, i dont have a lot of charm, im not very funny, im not entertaining. heck my parents are more entertaining than me. even my friends think my parents are cooler and better than me. im not especially smart or talented at drawing or art. im not very emotionally stable... god, im just so... WORTHLESS!!!! i dont understand why you want me or what im good for. and why cant i end my own life? whats up with that? why am i suppossed to be here when theres no point? im not sharing my life with anyone. no one else is with me to share in my life and to share their life with me. what the fuck man? you and i both know that this life is worthless if it cant be shared, so what the fuck?
oh and showing me a bunch of girls and then effectively blocking them off from me is not funny man. thats sick and sadistic. not something i would call cool for an all powerful god. kinda makes me want to say fuck you and go to hell. oh and whats up with making women with a creep meter so sensitive that even male animals set the goddamned thing off. WHAT THE FUCK GUY!!!??? is it not bad enough that some of us have to set the low end of the desirable bar? do we really have to have insult piled on top of injury? i dont know what to do anymore. i just dont know.